First Day Fears

August 22, 2008 by 1 Comment

Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
Psalm 56:3
I will trust in You!

Since the end of our 3’s school and kindergarten year, my oldest two children had eagerly been asking when we would begin school again.  Thoughts of the last three months of our school year would flash through my mind.  We had a newborn the last three months of school.   Pulling my K student to do school whenever we had some time when the baby napped worked for awhile, but the unpredictability and loss of routine and structure had left me frazzled!   So, although the girls were excited, I was experiencing a paralyzing fear.  Thoughts of ‘What if I can’t do this with a toddler and baby needing my attention as well?  They deserve more – someone more qualified, more knowledgeable, someone with more energy and patience …’

I decided to ask to meet with another trusted homeschool mom (more seasoned than I) to see if I was on track for the type and amount of work I had been planning for the upcoming year and to glean any words of wisdom.  She graciously helped me tweak some areas and encouraged me as well.

About a week into our new homeschool year though, I was once again feeling defeated and thinking, ‘I can’t do this.’   I was nearing the point of throwing in the towel before I had even started!  ‘The school bus for our district wouldn’t even be coming around for another week or so. There was still time to switch, right?’

Then, at just the right time, God sent two things (literally) to get me refocused.  One was a reader’s comment that spoke some calming reassurance to my heart.  These weren’t her exact words, but what I heard as I read was, ‘God is sovereign and He gave us our children to raise for His glory. It is our responsibility and blessing to get to train them and to educate them at home.  He makes no mistakes. Your little ones are where they need to be.’

The second item God sent was a book that I had ordered a few weeks before school was to start, Lies Homeschooling Mom’s Believe by Todd Wilson.  I had first heard of this through the Heart of the Matter Online Devotional Study and knew it would be one that I would want to add to my library.  The book was written by the husband of a homeschooling mom to 7 and I found it to be a quick, often humorous, and straightforward read, offering much that I could relate to and needed to hear.    (The above HOTM link will allow you to read and get a good feel for what is in the book, so I will not elaborate on that here.) I know I will be referring back to the book throughout this year – as it seems to be an on again, off again battle in my mind to NOT believe the lies.  I need to remember that Satan is the Father of all lies and that lies need to be combated by the Truth in God’s Word.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Dear Jesus, I will trust in You.

Filed Under: Mom's Heart, The Joy of God's Word, The Joy of Homeschool

Showing Grace

July 15, 2008 by 1 Comment

My response would have probably been a firm ‘No.’   However, I was not the one in position to execute the decision and so I left it up to him.   I heard his voice gently speaking to them.  A little later, I heard the clanking of bowls and spoons.  Some, looking in on this scene, might have said that he had given in to them and that he was showing them that they could get their way when they complain loudly enough. 

But I saw a loving father demonstrating God’s grace in a tangible way.

The loud complaining was a ‘But, Daddy!’ and tears – over something as simple as not being able to have a snack before bed.  A request that is sometimes answered by a yes and at other times, due to the lateness or other circumstances, receives a “No, not tonight.”   Yes, they responded poorly to our answer and should have been disciplined appropriately and not have been able to have a snack.  

And so enters unmerited favor from their daddy.   After talking with the girls and explaining that they should not have a snack becasue of their poor response, he then extends grace by forgoing punishment and allowing them to have a small snack.

This showing of grace points me to Christ and His grace that was extended to us.  May their earthly daddy’s small acts of grace towards them point our little ones’ hearts and minds to their Heavenly Father as well.

For it is by grace you have been saved,
 through faith—and this not from yourselves,
it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. 
Ephesians 2:8-9

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
and are justified freely by his grace
through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.   
Romans 3:23-24

Filed Under: The Joy of Children, The Joy of Family, The Joy of God's Word

I Need You More

June 19, 2008 by 1 Comment

How come I don’t seem to realize that I am relying on my own strength, and not on my Lord, until the consequences become so evident in my life that I can’t ignore them?

Our pastor is teaching through the book of Colossians and is stressing the importance of having Jesus at the core of our lives.  (By the way, you can access all of the sermons here!) A couple weeks ago, he began the sermon by stating, “Life falls apart without Jesus.”   And, oh boy, does it ever.  I do have Jesus in my life.  He is my Lord and Savior.  But, I do not always go about my day dependent on Him.  Here are some real examples of where I am seeing this right now…

  • School plans and other family decisions that need to be made feel as if they are looming over me.  I work through different possibilities – but sense fear and trembling.
  • I have child training stresses.  I thought we had addressed these  before and were back on track.
  • I have recurring sin issues.  Why can’t I break the cycle and move past this?
  • And a new sin issue…God recently revealed to me that I have been harboring unkind thoughts and have let bitterness take root in my soul.  I thought I was working through this all right on my own.

Okay,anyone else notice a pattern here?  A difficulty, that God in His wisdom allows, is brought into my life and I react.  I attempt to do something – on my own.

Our pastor said we should have three confessional cries and I can honestly say that these are three confessional cries breaking forth from my heart to God right now….

1) “I’m dependent on You.”
I can’t make it on my own and I need God’s help!

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
(John 15:1-8)

2) “I need Your power.”
I am inadequate.  I can not rely on my own strength and wisdom.
I need His!  I need the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults,
in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

3) “I need You more than anything.”
I need Jesus!

I need you more, more than yesterday.
I need You more, more than words can say.
I need You more than ever before.
I need You Lord. I need You Lord.

I can not fathom how to accomplish school each day with a 1st grader, preschooler, toddler, and infant – BUT Jesus, can.

I can not adequately reach the heart of my children, to raise them up to live for Christ, and to obey His commands – BUT Jesus can.

I can not learn from my mistakes and completely snuff out the sin areas in my life – BUT Jesus can.

I can not cultivate a tenderness and true forgiveness for the person I am holding grudges towards -BUT Jesus can.

It is a foreign concept in our culture, but I must admit that I can NOT do life without Jesus.  I just can’t make it on my own.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will make your paths straight.
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

Through different situations, God is making me more dependent on Him.  That’s a good thing!   May there be less of me and more of Him as I grow in Christ.

Filed Under: Mom's Heart, The Joy of God's Word

Ants!

June 12, 2008 by 3 Comments

I have no problem with insects and spiders being outside.  That’s where they belong – in nature.  Let every insect and spider be forewarned, however, that once they crawl into our home they are traveling into dangerous territory!

We had our lawn service spray the foundations of our home a couple weeks ago – to keep the insects and spiders OUTside.  Well, all this week we have been seeing ants INside on our main floor and up in our bedrooms.  Argh!  The lawn service came back out and reapplied the spray and left a note stating, “Please remember:  This is a barrier treatment.  It not only stops insects trying to come in, but also prevents them from going out…”  So, since the ants were here before they sprayed, they are now stuck inside our home and have no place to go, except up and inside our house.  Just what I wanted to hear =)

So, to eradicate the ant colony(ies) we need to get some ant bait/traps.  (Love, if you are reading this, please stop by and get some ASAP =)) Until then, I have been seen on my hands and knees, squishing the ants, sweeping multiple times, and removing rugs or anything else that would normally be on the floor in the areas where we have spotted the little guys.  I have been doing this so much in fact that one day this week our toddler was calling to me from the basement playroom and asking, “Smoosh ants, Mommy?”  Um, yes.  The kids have even got in on the ‘fun’ of finding them…

Ants

You know, I am going to great lengths to make sure we get rid of the ants in our home, but what measures am I willing to take to eradicate the sin areas in my life?  One of the areas that God has recently pointed out to me is my use of time -specifically my time spent on (uh, oh) the computer.  Do I really need to check my email every time I go to the office to get something? Must I check the homeschool forum to see if any additional answers to my question have been added –again?   Do I have to check your blog to see if you have posted any new entries for me to read ?  The answer I am hearing – No! At least not as often as I have been.  Nothing is wrong with these things in and of themselves.  I need to have support and correspondence with other moms, but I also need to set some limits so that I can better manage the affairs of my household.

Maybe I should place my Bible or a verse to memorize near my computer and read that instead.  Then, I could go read a book to my children, sit on the floor and play a game with them, play cars, etc.   I want to build strong and deep relationships with my children.  That doesn’t just happen by chance.  I have to make my little ones a priority over those times of ‘quick’ checking of my email and what I am discovering are actually a few moments of trying to escape my responsibilities.

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
Ephesians 5:15-17

Filed Under: Mom's Heart, The Joy of Children, The Joy of Family, The Joy of God's Word

Praise Is Rising

May 20, 2008 by 4 Comments

Some days just start off on the wrong foot.  I get to bed late, wake to a crying baby wanting to feed earlier than normal as well as a toddler who wakes an hour earlier –no Bible reading, no time to think before my feet hit the floor and I’m off and running through my day.  I can either 1) shirk back under the covers and pretend I don’t have to face the day or 2) pray, rise up, and give praise to God.  Now granted, it may take me an hour or so to get to the point of praying and praising, but I highly recommend the second option as opposed to the first.

A lot of days lately, I have noticed that I am getting up and going, but, sadly, with a grumbling spirit.   I need to intentionally pause to pray as I rise and to thank God that He goes with me and before me, that He is a Holy God who cares intimately about every detail of life.  He knows all about what I must face today -the sibling squabbles and whining, the multiple attempts to calm a crying baby, my fears of inadequacy as a parent, my difficulty in trying to juggle or balance the needs of each child with the needs of myself, others, and things around our home, etc. etc.  If my focus is rightly on Jesus my Savior, He grants me a renewed sense of peace, strength, and energy amidst what can otherwise feel like chaos.

Portions of Hosanna by Paul Baloche…

Praise is rising, eyes are turning to You
We turn to You
Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You
We long for You
‘Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your presence, all our fears are washed away
Washed away
Hosanna Hosanna
You are the God who saves us,
Worthy of all our praises
Hosanna Hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here Lord Jesus
Hear the sound of hearts returning to You
We turn to You
In Your kingdom broken lives are renewed
You make us new . . .

Hebrews 12: 1-3

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,
let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame,
and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men,
so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Thank you, Lord, that when I see You,
you grant me strength to face the day.

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Filed Under: Mom's Heart, The Joy of God's Word
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