discovering joy in the journey

Joy to the Heart

Whenever you face a move, whether God is sending you 600 miles or 6,000 miles, there is a transition – an uprooting and replanting.  As part of our home church’s most recent missions conference, they referred to it as ‘Breaking Camp’ and ‘Advancing’ based off of the Scriptural references in Deuteronomy 1.

The LORD our God said to us at Horeb, “You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Break camp and advance into the hill country of the Amorites; go to all the neighboring peoples in the Arabah, in the mountains, in the western foothills, in the Negev and along the coast, to the land of the Canaanites and to Lebanon, as far as the great river, the Euphrates.  See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land that the LORD swore he would give to your fathers—to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—and to their descendants after them.”
(Deuteronomy 1:6-8)

Breaking Camp for our family came in March of 2013, but the steps God used to work in our hearts and minds, before that actual breaking and leaving, began several years before that.

Our family had valued missions. We already supported those who went and we often prayed that God would use our children one day to serve Him. However, as a true type A personality who likes to plan and know what’s coming next, I wasn’t expecting to hear a call for us to go. Between our pastor’s sermon series on the book of Matthew, my daily devotional, and even our kids’ homeschool curriculum, God was gradually pricking our hearts, and unbeknown to us, was preparing for us to be able to clearly see the need and to hear His call.

When it came, His call to me wasn’t a ‘go to such and such a people and spread the name of Jesus’, it was a ‘Will you follow me? Step out of your comfort zone, away from the trappings of this world and trust and follow me. Are you willing to give up your home? your comforts? your security in possessions?’

God was wanting to know if I was willing to obey and to come, follow Him.

And I knew that I wanted, and needed, to be in the center of His will.

Our family never envisioned that we would be able to assist with others receiving the Bible and hearing of Jesus in their own tongue, but once God showed us the need and how He could use the skills in software development He had given my husband, we knew we had to follow His lead. For we have the entirety of God’s Holy Word in our own language, but thousands of other language communities do not – not even a single verse. We knew that we had to take the next steps to ‘break camp’ and be willing to head wherever He wanted us to go – which, we later learned, was just to the east coast of our own country. =)

When we started pursuing Jesus on this journey into missions, we had three children
that  I was homeschooling in grades Kindergarten through fourth, as well as an energetic preschooler, and a precious little guy who was just learning to walk. I was in the throes of motherhood and the thought of all that had to be done to join a missionary organization and prepare to leave was overwhelming. We didn’t know how we could add hours of training and partnership building to what already felt like crazy, busy days. On top of that, my husband had to be away for a full summer of linguistics training to take courses that would prepare him to better serve in his new role with Wycliffe and provide background for his work in writing software for Bible translation.

It was a challenging season, but God showed me two ways that we weren’t in this endeavor alone. First, He taught me how to distinguish between self reliance and strength in Christ. He reminded me that as I focus on Him and not on my own limitations or circumstances, God would supply the strength needed each day. For it is His strength that clothes my weaknesses. Christ’s presence and strength sustaining me created needed joy and a greater dependence upon Him! Secondly, He allowed us to see, first hand, the body of Christ work together as God sent friends and our small group family to come alongside us, allowing us to follow through with what God was telling us to do.

So, those were all the necessary preparations for us being able to ‘break camp’.  And, then, after seventeen years of calling our church ‘home’, it came time to say goodbye. Stepping away from the excellent preaching of the Word, leaving our close friends and our small group, pulling our kids away from their own good friends, and even trusting God with our aging parents whom we were concerned about spiritually and physically … that final step of parting and driving away … was hard. There were lots of tears – from all of our family members.

It is now three and a half years later. Between developing mobile apps for sharing God’s Word through smartphones, working out technical issues for language translators, recruiting and sharing a vision with other IT professionals, and communicating with other Bible organizations and IT missionaries, I can see God using my husband to spread the Gospel …and it brings joy.

For me though, as a homeschooling mom of five, advancing hasn’t come as quickly or successfully and it looks a bit different. It’s hard to admit, but, it took me three years to stop looking back, to stop comparing churches and situations, to quit feeling unsettled and searching for ways I could be more involved in the mission, and to finally hear Jesus whisper to my anxious heart – EMBRACE.

I guess that is the beginning of my own journey into the ‘Advance’ part. I haven’t completely figured out what ‘embrace’ looks like yet, but Psalm 37:4-5 has helped greatly.  It states,

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him and He will act.”

Delight.  Commit.   Trust.

Embracing seems to encompass those three things!

Delighting in the Lord makes me want to dwell and focus on His attributes – His sovereignty, His goodness, His mercy, and love. Committing gives me a visual of leaning in and not holding back.  And trusting, well, it involves acknowledgement of His goodness and our dependence upon Him alone.

(free printable Scripture)

So, advancing for me right now is more about developing contentment as I try to delight, commit, and trust- embracing where God has placed our family, embracing the opportunities set before me to serve, encourage, and connect deeper in our new community, and embracing, with joy, the role and mission He has given me within our family – which never really changed –to lovingly support my husband in his role and to train, disciple, and equip the next generation.

As our Lord, Jesus has the authority to reveal the direction for our family and for our lives. He knows what is best, what is enough, and what our priorities should be. My responsibility is to obey Him and to keep following and trusting in Him.

The day I ran out of our Sunday School class –

I was in the middle of listening to the teaching from Luke
on the topic of Heaven and Hell –

I had just cried through all of worship and part of the morning sermon –

a sermon on Jesus commissioning His disciples to preach the Gospel –

1 day after seeing a picture of the headstone for the first time –

2 and a half  months after his passing –

4 months after last seeing him in the hospital – stroking his head, kissing his forehead, squeezing his hand, looking him in the eyes, and telling him for the last time face to face, “I love you, dad.”

One year after being sent as a ‘missionary’,
I lost a loved one that may be separated from Christ forever –

and…my…heart…aches. 

My God has been gracious and brought me comfort, hope, strength, and great peace the last couple of months.   But, on this day, I finally came face to face with the reality that I knew I had to eventually deal with.  

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life,
but whoever rejects the Son will not see life,
for God’s wrath remains on him.
(John 3:36)

I’ve prayed, from the beginning of my dad’s deteriorating health, that my faith and trust in Christ would not be shaken even if ones I love pass away without knowing Him.  And, thanks be to my Heavenly Father, it has not.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  I know what I believe and He is good and faithful – ALWAYS – even, when my longing and prayers for dad to know the only One who could save him seem to have been ‘unanswered’.  But, only God truly knows the condition of my father’s soul right before he passed away.  Paraphrasing Randy Alcorn’s words, I don’t know whether the Holy Spirit of God might have done a work of grace in his heart and life at the last moment.

Am I angry or upset with God?  No.  He is  loving, sovereign, and just.  Rather, I am frustrated and disappointed with myself.  Oh the sorrow, the regrets over missed opportunities, and the intermingling whispers of failure.  In my feeble attempts, I tried to share Christ – a Bible, the kids’ drawings with written verses, my written testimony, a life that I pray was an example of Christ living in me…but in the end, it doesn’t seem like it was enough. 

In the sermon that day, I was side struck by an illustration and application that the pastor shared…

It’s not just enough to say I’m going to live a  good life before others.  There’s a story of a man who came to Christ during an evangelistic event in the Pacific Northwest and when he told his boss about it, this boss responded with, “Well that’s great! I’m a Christian and I’ve been praying for you for years.”  But the new believer was heartbroken. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” he said.  “You’re the very reason I haven’t been interested in the gospel all these years.”  “How can this be?” the boss wondered.  “I’ve done my very best to live a Christian life around you.”  “That’s the point,” he exclaimed, “You’ve lived such a model life without telling me that it was Christ who made the difference in your life.  I convinced myself that I could live the same way you could live – without Christ.” 

Mark Mittleberg said this.  It’s a little strong, but I believe it’s true.  “Our popular version of evangelism says, ‘If I just live as a consistent Christian, people will see it, figure it out, and come to Christ.’  But that approach isn’t biblical, and it doesn’t work.” Everything I’ve shared with you today is to go tell and compel them to come. Yes, I understand Matthew 5:16 “Go let your light shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify God in heaven.”   Yes, we are to live a good, moral, and ethical life.  We’re to represent Christ, but we were commissioned to go tell.

How my mind summarized all of this and what I actually wrote in my sermon notes came out as: ’Just living a moral and ethical Christian life isn’t biblical.  We are commanded to go and TELL of Jesus Christ.  Yes, we are to shine our light, but, sadly it may point to our own accomplishments and works and not to our need for Christ’s saving power and work in us – if we don’t also PROCLAIM Him.’

Over the next several days, I did a lot of praying and a little digging in online commentaries and sermons to try to better understand what it means to ‘shine our light’.

John Gill’s commentary of Matthew 5:16 “Let your light so shine before men” states,

…the spiritual knowledge and mysteries of grace…were to be openly declared and made manifest before men…

He goes on to say “that they may see your good works” refers to

…their zeal and fervency, their plainness and openness; their sincerity, faithfulness, and integrity, their courage and intrepidity; their diligence, (and) industry..in preaching the Gospel; their strict regard to truth, the honor of Christ, and the good of souls; as also their very great care and concern to recommend the doctrines of grace, by their examples in their lives and conversations

Matthew Henry’s commentary of the same verse states,

They must shine as lights, by their good preaching, the knowledge they have. They must communicate for the good of others – not put it under a bushel, but spread it.

In the fuller context of Matthew 5:13-16, John MacArthur makes a distinction between being ‘salt’ and being ‘light’, stressing the need for both:

Salt is the silent testimony, it is our moving through the world and affecting it with our very life…..We are to flavor life with the wonder of God’s presence among us. We are to sting and convict the sinful wound of the world. We are to create a thirst for Christ by the very way we live….but light shines on the outside, and light is open and working visibly. In other words, salt is the influence of Christian character; it is quiet but powerful. Light is the communication of the content of the Gospel. So there are two sides; on one hand, we live it, on the other hand, we preach it…It isn’t just in our words, but in our very overt, open godly conduct. We are not to be just a subtle influence like salt, but we are to be a very open and blatant influence like light…"Let your light so shine before men that they will see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven." That implies, first of all, that they see our good works. Secondly, they glorify our Father in Heaven; that means they’ve heard something about our Father in Heaven. It implies both a life and a message lived and spoken.

We are told to be witnesses, as salt and light, to share what Jesus has done in our lives and to share our story.  Did I do that?  I, honestly, don’t know how well it came across.  Was I fearful, feeling inadequate, too busy, or worse by far, ashamed of the gospel?  As an introvert, desiring to please my earthly parents and not cause strife, I admit that I wasn’t bold enough to speak and share freely of what Jesus had done in my life and relied too much on hoping that my life (that silent, salt-like testimony) would point others to Christ.

I know that I wasn’t the only one who could speak the Living Word of Truth to my dad, that he had the opportunity to read the Gospel, and that even all of creation reveals who He is.  I also have to remember that it wasn’t up to me.  Regardless of what I may have said (or neglected to say), did (or did not do), the Holy Spirit is the One who convicts of sin and leads someone to come to faith in Christ. 

I overflow with tears as I type this…It is too late for my dad.  He can no longer decide whether to either accept or reject Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior.   Only God knows, at this point, the final decision that was made and dad’s eternal destiny. 

Have you decided?  While we were still sinners, God sent His own Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins so that we would no longer be separated from Him.  Have you trusted in Jesus and repented from your sins?  

and

Have you shared the great news?  Who is in your life that God has commissioned you to go and reach with the wonderful, life giving message of Christ dying on the cross to save them from their sins? 

Go.  Proclaim. 

Live to know Him and make Him known.