Don’t Underestimate Being Overtired

I saw this slogan twice this week and it really grabbed my attention.  I saw it once on a billboard and once on the back of a magazine.  It is a slogan put out by a local hospital, designed for connecting you with an online tool for assessing your risk for heart disease, stroke, etc – a basic heart check.

As a homeschooling mom to four little ones, three of whom have birthdays in December and January, I think (no, I know) I’m feeling overtired.  I have my proof.  Over the course of the last three weeks, I have been forgetting the simplest of things, have felt pains in my chest  and dizziness (Yes, I went to the doctor and they say that I am fine.  I also took the online heart assessment and I am not at risk.), am just getting over a cold that wiped me out for two days, can’t seem to focus on tasks at hand, and have a sense of being overwhelmed.  I am the type of person that presses on until a job is complete, that continues to work on something that I think must be done -even if it means I get less sleep.  This is fine, if done from time to time and not repeatedly.   I think the last couple months with Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday parties, and just the day to day grind has worn me down.  My ability to make simple decisions, my productivity level, and my interactions with my family are being adversely affected by my lack of sleep.

I am posting this for accountability.  I need physical rest and spiritual rest.  Yes, my list of things I want to accomplish are a mile long, my day to day list of items that have to get done are never ending, and my children’s requests for time and activity are beckoning.  I feel like I need a week long vacation, just me, alone, to catch up on some of the tasks at hand – putting all else on hold.  However, seeing as that is impossible, I am going to attempt to try something else.  For the next week, I am going to strive to be in bed and going to sleep 2-3 hours earlier than I have been.  If that means I don’t go to my monthly girls night out, so be it.  If that means the dishes are left in the sink until morning, okay.  If that means putting our kids to bed earlier so I can get school ready for them for the next day, done.  This is going to be a challenge for me- a change in my mindset over priorities.  This is designed for my physical rest.

For my spiritual rest, I desire to get up at a set time each morning this week to sit at my Savior’s feet.  I want to read, pray, worship, and listen – without my littlest one sitting on my lap, reaching over to pat the Bible (as sweet as that may be =).  I have  been so busy serving and being a Martha that I have forgotten how to be a prayerful, worshipful Mary.  Oh, how quickly we succumb to our old ways.

Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

This is my week for a true heart check.

Let the Peace of God, Let It Reign

Father of Life, draw me closer.
Lord, my heart is set on You.
Let me run the race of time with Your Life unfolding mine.
And let the peace of God, Let it reign.

Oh Holy Spirit, You’re my comfort.
Strengthen me.  Hold my head up high.
And I stand upon your truth – bringing glory unto You.
And let the peace of God, Let it reign.

Oh, Lord, I hunger for more of You.
Rise up within me.  Let me know Your Truth.
Oh, Holy Spirit, saturate my soul.
And let the Life of Go fill me now.
Let Your healing power, bring Life and make me whole.
And let the peace of God, Let it reign!

(From Hillsong)

God placed this song in my mind while I was in the waiting room, before my first eye surgery last week.  I was singing it in my mind as they put me to sleep.  It was comforting to me and helped me to focus on Christ and not on the fears that I had felt previously.  When I awoke, I cried tears of joy as I could see things in the distance as I opened my left eye and glanced around the recovery room.  I hadn’t been able to see that far away, without glasses, since the second or third grade!  I was excited as I left the surgery center in the early afternoon that day, but as day turned to night, fears crept back in.

Actually, the week between my first and second eye surgery was filled with emotional ups and downs.  It all started that first night home.  Our 8 month old was crying in the middle of the night again.  My husband went to get her as I started to fill her bottle.  To my surprise, I could no longer see the lines and numbers on the side of the bottle. That one simple task, and not being able to perform it for my baby, brought me to tears that night.  My eye was still quite dilated from the surgery and my husband tried to reassure me that everything would be better and I would be able to see more clearly in the coming days.

The next morning, at my first eye check up after the surgery, my husband and I  both realized that there had been a big misunderstanding.  Before surgery, my ophthalmologist had told us that I would need reading glasses once the surgery was over.  Being in our 30’s and not having any experience with reading glasses, we just (wrongly) assumed that meant I would simply need glasses for reading and no longer for distance.  Well when they removed my clouded lens and implanted a new corrective lens, I lost all of my ability to focus on objects from my hand to my eye.  So, before surgery, if I couldn’t read something, I could get closer or move the object closer to me and I could then see it clearly.  Now, no matter how close I move an object toward me, it doesn’t help.  It can actually make it more blurry!  I was shocked at my new condition.

In my day of despair (which I hate to admit), I told my husband that I felt ‘rendered useless.’  I could take care of myself, mostly.  I could do laundry (since I knew which buttons to push without having to see them), and I could wash dishes (hopefully well enough).  I could also rest and listen to songs and sermons (one bright spot!).  However, I had a long list of things I could no longer do, such as read a book to my child,  view a computer screen, read my watch or any other clocks, read to distinguish my eye drop medications, use the oven or microwave, read and follow a recipe, write lists (which I am always doing =) ), do school with my kids, change any dirty diapers,  fill my baby’s bottle, etc.  Even my baby’s little face was a blur to me when I was holding her!  So, strip a mother of her ability to care for her family and what do you have?   Hmmm…It depends on where her focus is…And thankfully, God changed my focus over the course of the week.

The first day after my surgery, I rested a lot and began listening to a series of talks by a retired missionary named Otto Koning.  The series is called The Pineapple Story.  It took a couple days to be able to listen to all of it, but even after the first talk, God was already convicting me!

I attempted to scribble some notes…
– Surrender your rights.
– Rejoice.  Don’t waste good problems!   (Faith in action)
– Resist the devil.   (Authority in action)
– Pray.  (Dependence in action)
– Love your enemies.   (Forgiveness in action)
– Meditate on Scripture.

And I surrendered….
Lord, Jesus, I surrender my rights to my eyes.  All I have is Yours.  I release my fears to You.  You are in control.  I would prefer to be able to see clearly again, but I want Your Will more.  What do You desire to teach me during this time, Lord?  May I bring glory to you whatever the outcome may be!  Although I feel ‘rendered useless’, help me to rejoice.

And I gave thanks…
Thank You, Lord for allowing my husband to take off time from work to care for me and our family.  You strengthened him to take on all roles, including chef and homeschool teacher.  Thank You for the opportunity to listen to worship songs and sermons.  Thank You for rest.  Thank You that I can see better in the distance now than I ever remember- without my glasses.  Thank You for  allowing me to feel the reality of Your Peace and Presence during this short time of uncertainty.  Thank You for allowing this procedure to be safe and routine in America and that my eyesight may be restored in this day and age.

I am currently typing slowly, taking many breaks.  Things are blurry as I alternate between a temporary pair of reading glasses, pulling them on and off, but I am at least able to do this much!!  There is some uncertainty as to the final outcome of my vision.  Progressive bifocals are most likely in my near future and will have good results.  We’ll have to wait at least a month or so, as my eyes continue to heal, before I can get a prescription.  Until then, I will take it day by day and choose to rejoice in my Savior.  God is good – all the time.

Let the peace of God, let it reign…

Things That Don’t Seem to Go Together

Our 8 month old is finally teething!  Last night she was screaming in pain and her daddy and I were trying our best to comfort her through holding her close, applying Orajel, giving her Tylenol, and lifting her up in prayer.  We knew she would be at this point soon.  We just didn’t expect it the night before my eye surgery!  Yes, I have a baby that is just beginning to teeth and I have cataracts.  Two things that I would never have thought should go together in the same sentence nor come together at the same time in someone’s life.  But, that is where, God in His sovereignty, has placed me right now.

As with the anticipation before any surgery, I have a few anxious thoughts – the unwarranted ‘what if’s’ that cross your mind.   I know that He will be right there with me and I have no need to fear…

Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything,
by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 6-7)

After the surgery, I’ll be going offline for awhile.  It will probably be a very good thing.  I am looking forward to listening to sermons and songs through my husband’s iPod – something I rarely get to do!

Digging Up the Root of Bitterness

In science, our girls recently learned that the roots of a tree intertwine and can actually spread out underground wider than its branches.  Though unseen from above, the roots are important and support the tree.  If for any reason tree roots are damaged, tree health can be put in jeopardy.

Bitterness is a root in our hearts that can grow unnoticed for quite some time.  Eventually, it causes damage to fellowship, grieves the Holy Spirit, and stagnates spiritual growth.

In Carolyn Mahaney’s book, Feminine Appeal, she writes,  “So how do we know if we have become bitter? If we habitually review the offender’s wrong, if we replay the episode over and over in our minds, if we wallow in self pity or withdraw our affection – chances are, we have succumbed to bitterness…”

Ephesians 4:29-32 exhorts us…
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Mahaney explains, “We deal with bitterness by cherishing the experience of being forgiven by God and by forgiving the wrongs committed against us… So instead of dwelling on how we’ve been wronged, let us entreat the Holy Spirit to help us look at the cross.”

Lord Jesus, please help me to show kindness and compassion, to be able to forgive, bearing with others in patience and in love as you have loved and forgiven me.  Turn my eyes upon you and off of myself, entrusting you to change my heart.  Dig up these roots of bitterness.

Multiple Choice Test

Quick, a multiple choice test!

When things don’t go the way you want them to, do you…

a) throw up your hands and say, “I can’t do this!”?
b) keep moving forward, inch by inch, making modifications and adjustments as needed in order to reach your goal?
c) cry out to the Lord for help?
d) all of the above?

If you answered choice ‘d’, then maybe you can relate.

We are on day 31 of our first grade and preschool homeschool journey this year. (Well, actually day 42 now that I am getting around to posting this. LOL!) Yeah!  While it is exciting to think that we are this far into the school year already, I must admit that the beginning weeks of our school year have been very challenging for me.

I used to teach kindergarten in a public school.  There were fairly set times and a distinct order to our day. I could post a schedule on the board and kids would know what was coming next.  In general, kids thrive on routine -knowing what is coming next and what is expected.  I thrive in an environment like that as well.   So, here in our homeschool, I have organized a daily routine and order for what we are to do when, but  in a household of 4 precious children, ranging in age from 6 years to 7 months, we can’t always have a set routine.  There are some uncommon first grade ‘interruptions’ that my oldest has to deal with – such as stopping while mommy has to discipline a younger sibling or taking a break as mommy goes to change a diaper or calms her baby sister.   So, what if we take a quick break every now and then or I ask her to continue working by herself on something?  Or, what happens when it says in my plans that we are to do read aloud next, but the baby is crying and there is no reasonable way anyone can actually listen and comprehend what is happening in the story – let alone mommy be able to read?  Does it really matter if we switch the read aloud time with say, some phonics seatwork while I can comfort my baby girl?   It is these daily times of adjusting to the needs of each child and taking in consideration of what is best for all of us that are challenging for me.   I want to cherish the time with the youngest children AND do school well (and keep an orderly house, etc, etc.)    So, in order to do that, flexibility has had to become my new motto!

And, in all honesty, these challenging times are also the times when the enemy whispers thoughts of  ‘You can’t do this.  You’re just playing school.  When are you going to send her to a REAL school?’

I have to remember that, no matter how crazy some days feel, my first grader IS learning.   She is just learning in a different environment.  And that is OKAY!

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. My hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation.  He is my fortress.
I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God.
He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people.
Pour out your hearts to Him.  For God is our refuge.
(Psalm 62:5-8)

My hope is in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  My strength comes from Him.

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