I love our children, am thankful for the freedom and opportunity to home educate, and am glad to to be home with them each day.  Sometimes, though, I feel so divided during our homeschool day…

I’m sitting beside our toddler at the kitchen table.  He’s having me place balls of playdough into mini muffin tins and then he smashes them flat, making imprints with a handled cookie press.

‘This is good.  He’s having fun and using his fine motor skills…and I get to be right here with him.’ 

Our first grader sits on the other side of me.  He’s brainstorming describing words, verbs, and location phrases to make silly sentences.

‘He is supposed to do this one day each week and he greatly enjoys it.  Why do I keep forgetting to switch it out with his Explode the Code?  He’s been asking for weeks to do this again.  Look how much he is getting into this!’

I am his scribe as he thinks of each idea. 

Our preschooler comes up to me several times asking if she can go outside and take a photo of nature for her thankful notebook.  “No, not right now.  Let’s wait until it warms up some. Maybe after lunch we can all go out for a walk in the woods.”  She asks several times and my answer is still the same.

‘Oh my.  I really hope we do get a chance to go out after lunch or she will be one disappointed little girl.’

Our 3rd grader is at the kitchen counter.

‘She loves working there each day.’ 

She pops up off of her stool several times to see what her younger brothers are up to and I try to remind her to sit down and to focus on her work.

‘What has she gotten done so far?’

Our 5th grader is sitting across the table from me, working in her math workbook.  I see her glance up at her toddler brother and I.  I realize that she has been trying to get my attention for awhile now, trying to talk above everyone else.

‘I know I’ve heard her several times ask for help.  I remember saying, “Just a minute.”  How long ago was that?’ 

“Mommy, how do I do this?” she asks again.  And she starts spewing off the problem.

‘Whoa!’ 

I can sense my eyes glazing over.  I feel frustration rising as I can’t seem to focus.  For a second, I look intently at her face.

‘I wonder what she thinks of all of this.  How do we get anything done?’

“I’m a visual person, sweetie.  Bring it here so I can see it.”  She pauses, looks at her little brother, and says, “How did he get to be so cute, Mama?”

‘I think the same thing!  We all surely love this little guy.’

I smile and begin to roll playdough balls again and listen to various sentences about a kite, and lots of chuckles after each one.  A few moments later, I glance up to where our oldest daughter was…but she is no longer there.

‘Didn’t she need help?’ 

Our littlest guy declares that he is all done with the playdough and we I clean up the mess.  He runs off, happily, to go find his big preschool aged sister to play with.  I head to the office and find our oldest sitting on the couch and working quietly on her math. 

‘She must get so frustrated waiting for me.  Why can’t I have time to just sit and listen to her, be with her, and enjoy her?  She is growing so fast!  I so wish I knew how to be more relationship driven.’ 

I sit down next to my big girl and we tackle those problems. 

I could also recount, later in that same day, how the two oldest girls were on either side of me needing my help with writing assignments, our toddler was climbing all over me and insisting that I play with him, and our preschooler was complaining (quite loudly) that her big brother was bothering her (when he was supposed to be doing his math).  Hmmm…  (You’ll be glad to know that, yes, it got resolved as big brother was sent to complete his work upstairs and one of the girls was instructed to play with our toddler as I worked with the other one.)

This is just a small glimpse into a portion of our day as a homeschooling family with five precious blessings.  Are you tired yet?

I originally wrote ‘In Mourning’ in early September.  Now, it is November and I continue to reflect on what God has made known to me.

Calm, organized homeschool days are a good thing to desire.  However, they are rare!  And, when my sins of anger and impatience erupt due to not meeting those expectations, God shows me that this good goal has become an idol.  My dilemma: How am I able to not continue to allow this good goal (but the cause of my sin) to have such a hold over me?  What would it, practically, look like in my day to day thoughts and interactions with my family?

As I stated previously, I need to…
1) Remember that God is working to transform me through homeschooling.
2) Be grateful for the opportunity to homeschool, even during the hard days.
3) Choose to be content where He has placed me, in this season.
4) Ask God to adjust my expectations to match His desires for our family.

Also, I MUST…

• cling to His Word and ask the Holy Sprit to guide and change me – EACH DAY.
• pray daily to God, asking Him to help me put on love, compassion, and patience, and to grant me a tongue full of life giving words. 
• be willing to be humble and apologize when I am wrong, seeking forgiveness from those I have sinned against. (I admit, this one comes very slow and hard for me!)
• be alert to areas of necessary child training and discipline that I sometimes overlook in an attempt to keep moving forward
• show grace –towards myself and our children.

I am thankful that I have a patient, compassionate, and gracious God who is abounding in love! 

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
(Psalm 103:8-13)

When my mind and time are so divided among our little ones and all there is to do, my hope is in my Rock Eternal, who is able to keep me in perfect peace. 

You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.
(Isaiah 26:3-4)

My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long…

My Hope is In You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RRZgr7wNDs